In the midst of a climate & ecological emergency the EU is about to lock nearly €400bn into a new agricultural policy, completely ignoring climate & biodiversity. And no-one even reports about it!? Even a child knows this isn't how democracy is supposed to work. #FutureofCAP https://twitter.com/HarrietBirdlife/status/1316110056744652801
Do you ride a bike, but have you always been envious of the poor visibility and the poor manoeuvrability car drivers enjoy? There's something for you now!
LIBERTARIAN POLICE DEPARTMENT
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
Airline lobby: "Prioritizing air transport is key for the eventual recovery of the world"
Are they talking about the same world as us? The one that's on fire and approaching climate breakdown? 🌎🔥🛫
Airlines & airports are pushing technological solutions which either don’t work or don’t exist. But the only way to tackle emissions from flying right now is to fly less. In a real crisis, imaginary technologies don't help. #NetZeroFestival
Gardening dilemmas in times of climate change: Do I try to cultivate disappearing, endangered native plants, or do I pick winners that are more likely to survive the new hotter, dryer summers without constant watering? #xeriscaping
@anarchiv Coming back to this I think part of why it's so hard is that people tend to think they're very clever for being able to reckon out a thousand questions to ask about whether they should do something - look, they're being so smart, thinking about the global water supply while they're considering planting two tomato plants! - but... is it really a useful sort of clever?
1/x This morning I woke up to see viral maps incorrectly comparing the damage area of the Beirut explosion to London and New York. I have corrected the maps with a little thread to explain my corrections. img 1. tweet with my notes. img 2-4. my new maps.
People focus on the technology and the language of 1984. Or the fact it was a look at what a totalitarian regime could be like in the UK. But the entire book is an exploration of a society built on the idea of the Panopticon. People always being watched so they conform.
The backstory of "1984" is that people didn't care about being lied to.
They were content to facilitate the rise of monsters.
The monsters didn…
@halvarflake: There is a lesson from the iDevice remotes that @natashenka and @5aelo found: Identifying and unlocking attack surface is often the time-consuming part of attacker research, and unnecessarily so. Attackers that focus on a single target again and again are at an advantage, ...
@halvarflake: defenders that need to achieve breadth are disadvantaged. This could be fixed by device vendors (providing easier APIs and better documentation for these attack surfaces). Closed systems give advantages to the real for-profit meanies.
Programmer and phoney amateur photographer. Climate fatalist. He/him/idiot. My toots are deleted automatically after twelve weeks. Avatar cc-by-sa 3.0 Jan Michalko/Berlin Buzzwords
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